Yesterday started no different than any other day.
I woke up to my usual alarm, “Rollercoaster.” By Bleachers, which, I must say, has gotten so old that I might as well have just continued to sleep through it. I boiled my water, steeped my tea, and poured my vanilla creamer into my cat shaped mug, only to find myself back in my room, buried in my bed. I later popped two quiches into the microwave for breakfast with a side of turkey bacon, despite my lack of hunger. Though waking up and forcing nourishment into your body is hard enough, picking out the perfect ensemble is no easy feat either. As silly as it may sound, convincing yourself you have “nothing to wear” is real life. I ditched my favorite black sweatshirt, jeans, and vans, and came to the conclusion that putting in more effort would not only make me feel better about myself, but would set the tone for the rest of my day. After getting dressed, fixing my many fly away hairs, perfecting my “wings”, and brushing the pearly whites I call my teeth, I was ready to go. And not just physically ready. I was mentally and emotionally and whatever-ly prepared to deal with anything that came my way today. I was golden. A pony boy if you will. I jumped in my car like a giddy kid on her way to Disneyland, turned up The Smith’s, and made my way to my first day of college.
I won’t bore you with every detail of my day on campus. But I will say that I experienced a wide range of emotions yesterday. Tiredness for starters. I never realized how absurd it was to complain in your 50-minute high school class until I sat in 3, 110-minute classes and struggled to find things to do during my 80-minute lunch break. I was exhausted by the end of my syllabi-filled, lecture-filled, I’m-terrible-at-making-friends-and-talking-to-people-filled, day. Other side-effects included excitement, eagerness, and moderate to severe hunger. I endured no stress, but I was definitely overwhelmed. Overwhelmed by the fact that I was one step closer to being where I wanted to be. You can’t help but get excited when you find out that your first instructor is an art director who organizes exhibits and teaches at the Art Institute of Portland. It’s got me thinking about what I could be. What I could aspire and work hard to become. I could be an editor, a designer. I could be an art director. I can be whatever it is I want to be. Imagining yourself in the future is, in one word, strange. But a wise Edgar Allan Poe once said: “There is no exquisite beauty… without some strangeness in the proportion.” Possibilities are limitless. The only thing limiting you, is you.
My hope for the next week is to find the boldness that I know I have within me and saying goodbye to the intimidation that I have felt. I’m not called to be a shout into the void. I’m called to be a light in the darkness. And if I’m not living up to that calling, what am I doing? Despite days being tough (like my first day of college), it’s okay. Because I’m tough; tough like Monday mornings.