Yesterday I sat in my IM178 lecture class with an unrelenting tapping foot as my brain ran in a million circles. My anxiety level spiked that morning. I was leaning on no understanding other than my own. I was up to no good.
I knew there was warfare happening in my spirit. Warfare against the dreamer inside of me. I knew the devil was the one trying to rain on my parade and stop me from doing anything good. But it wasn’t until today that I decided to reign over that warfare. To claim my territory.
Today I was reminded that circumstances don’t determine the quality of my life. I was reminded to put all my energy into trusting God. I am to contend for my dreams and go according to His word. I was reminded that one of the most powerful things we can do as christians is to praise the Lord in the midst of storms and confusion, when it hurts and when it isn’t easy. Even when we have, for lack of a better term, “crap-days,” we are still free to take that and place it before God as an offering.
I talked to God a lot today. And he talked to me a lot too.
In the midst of all her worry and uncomfortableness she said to God:
“God this is all I have. I know it’s not much. It’s actually nothing. It means nothing to me. Because at the end of the day the only thing that matters is that you are always there. You are all that remains. You understand my bad days and circumstances yet prevail over them. You hear my cries, you hold my dreams, my heart, and my life in your powerful, healing hands. I can do nothing but give everything to you… In my weakness and in my little-ness, I give it all to you.”
And then God replied in a whisper so profound:
“I am with you and will watch over you wherever you go. I will meet all your needs according to My glorious riches. Nothing in all creation will be able to separate you from My love.”
And then she wept.
Until she came to realize that God had been saving up her tears all this time in a little bottle of his.
And has kept her dreams locked up safe ever since she gave them freely to him. Years ago.
She couldn’t help but wipe her rounded cheeks and lift her head higher than before because she knew now the potential God saw in her. She knew now that she was chosen because she had what it takes. She was strong enough. She knew that despite the world bashing her imperfections and mistakes, God didn’t care. He just wanted her. Fragile, raw her.