To Make An End Is To Make A Beginning.

People generally like to bid their farewells as years come to their ends. All the sappiness comes out, resolutions, heartfelt thoughts, the throwbacks, and things they will be looking forward to/expecting in the coming year.

I myself do the same every year because, well, it just happens. As humans we like closure and feelings of accomplishment. Or, rather, that a fresh start is upon us and we get the privilege of moving forward.

So, here goes nothing.

2015 was wonderful.

It was full of tea, emotional breakdowns, traveling, fun, nose piercings, change and transitions, adult-ing, more emotional breakdowns, friends (the show and people), big decisions, and more love than I could have ever asked for.

I wrote my little heart out for scholarship essays, tried to keep my sanity and head leveled, nailed my senior presentation, went to art museums and my last prom, turned eighteen, graduated high school, went to camp one last time as a counselor, bought my first globe, and I fell in a stream at Palouse Falls. I made my first trip of many to Ace Hotel in Portland, dreamed of owning cream colored Mercedes-Benz 300d’s and Volvo 242’s, traveled around the caribbean for a whole week and had the best food of my life. I took lots of pink polaroid pictures and chopped off my beloved hair, moved to Portland, brought Romeo with me, discovered vanilla chai, started college and a blog… All within a year.

It was a year of lasts and firsts. Of old and new.

It was a year more meaningful than an elongated list of happenings, mind you.

I’ve learned that sometimes things dont “happen” in your life or things fall through when God is trying to protect you. As creator of all things, He, of all people, knows what is best for you. Looking back at it now, I’m so thankful for the unexpected turn plans took for me in 2015.

I’ve learned that in the midst of doubt, God will never fail on being there to lend a peace that surpasses all understanding.

I’ve learned a lot about who I am and who it is I want to be.

How I’m called to do great things.

This year God has made me feel so full of purpose. He’s showed me so many little glimpses of what it is he has for me. A hope and a future. I can’t even begin to explain how overwhelming it is to have your heavenly father tell you over and over that there’s a future in store for you after years of doubting it.

I’ve been re-undone by the love of God and how vast it is for not just me, but all people.

I’ve rediscovered the amazing value of having covenant friends in life. We aren’t made to do things alone and I find it so beautiful the fellowship and wisdom that comes out of having small, everyday conversations.

I finally believe how fearfully and wonderfully made I am and that God sees my worth and value.

I’ve continually had revelations about how, as humans, we are so unworthy of God’s affection, yet he still desires us.

I’ve learned what it means to truly trust in the Lord.

Letting go of every plan you’ve salvaged for your own life, giving Him every dream and every desire. Trust is not relying on your own strength but His and giving Him all authority in your life. Because his plans are greater than mine and because it’s not about me.

I feel as if I grew up and matured in the span of a few months while deciding my next step in life. And though this last year has been the hardest and most challenging to date, I wouldn’t trade it for anything. You must go through trials in life in order to learn, and that’s exactly what I’ve done.

Though I wish a trip to New York (or any east coast city really) were on my to-do list for 2016, I’m excited for what’s in store, whatever that may be. I want to chase purity, chase humility, chase gentleness, chase kindness, chase love, chase life, and chase truth this year. But of all the things I want to chase, I want to chase Jesus more than I ever have in all my years.

Life is good and all, but God? He’s great.

“But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” 




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