This is me 2 years ago. And to be honest, the only thing I miss about me 2 years ago is my long hair. But even that’s a stretch.
I made a lot of mistakes. For one, I didn’t fill in my eyebrows; mistake 1. And for two, I disappointed myself. I didn’t do a very good job at living out my purpose. I always tried to fit in and be “cool” (whatever that is). Having super long “mermaid” hair felt like winning a competition that never even existed.
Worst of all, I lived a mediocre Christian life. Probably not living up to the things I preached as well as I could. I rarely read the bible. And when I did, I thought it was boring. I consistently put on the “I’m okay” face. “Fake it till you make it” was my motto. I wasn’t happy. I always felt like I had to be impressing somebody to receive recognition. I was always worried about creating an “image” for myself.
I wasn’t secure.
I was somebody else.
If I could go back and sit down with younger me, I would tell her to, “Stop being somebody you’re not. Listen to who God is calling you to be. Not anybody else.
You don’t fit in because you weren’t made to.
All your days have been written out, in God’s book, set in stone before you even entered this earth. Trust in His plan for your life. Trust his guidance. Don’t apprehend.
Be okay with making the decision that nobody’s going to like.
Believe that in his timing everything is made perfect.
Be confident in God’s silent responses. Praise him anyways. Do not harden your heart.
Pride is never worth it no matter how much you want it to be.
You are a daughter with a heavenly father.
Treasured on high by the king of your heart.
Chosen to live a life set apart from others, changing atmospheres, and sharing hope.”
After sitting down with younger me, we would both stand and I would give her the biggest hug I’ve ever given anyone. Because she went through a lot without even realizing. She worked too hard for something that wasn’t for her: the approval of others. She needed confidence. She needed assurance, not from people, but from within her soul. What she needed most was a willingness to give every part of herself up, to the will, the promises, and plan of God. But held too hard onto her dreams. Her aspirations. She knew who she wanted to be, but never took a chance to listen to who God wanted her to be.
Today my 19-almost-20-year-old self couldn’t be happier with her decision to be fully abandoned to the will of God. My life is led without worries. Without restraint. I have been led forth in peace. With passion and purpose.
I’ve cast aside the ridiculous notion to “fit in” but rather embrace my calling to stand out.
I no longer seek approval.
Joy is no longer a mask I put on but a weapon that strengthens me.
Authenticity has become second-nature.
I’ve never felt more secure in my life than in this season.
I no longer question who I am.
Because I am simply found in who he is.