Everyday I feel as if I’m anticipating something in the mail. So much so, I’m the one who is always going out to retrieve it for the house. Almost everyday though, the ones where I want so badly to have something for myself, I get nothing.
Yesterday was different though.
I had forgotten about checking the mail.
I got to a point where I stopped worrying about if something would be in it for me, who it would be from, and what it might have in it.
And yesterday, I wasn’t expecting anything.
In order for you to understand where I’m going with this, I must rewind.
Back in November I made a trip to the emergency room on a case of dehydration which, in the end, resulted in several medical bills I found myself not able to pay.
For the sake of the point I want to make I will tell you those bills added up to $4,248.81.
To say I was overwhelmed, being an uninsured college student working only 20 hours a week, is an understatement. The bills kept coming in the mail. One after the other. They piled up, along with my worry.
I had no idea what to do let alone how in the world I was going to get them payed.
I spent hours on hold with my previous insurance company only to find out my coverage ended. I talked with the hospital multiple times, called each bill asking about financial assistance applications they offered.
I was desperate. And so hopeless.
Thankfully, each bill offered financial assistance programs and, by the grace of God, each generously continued to extend my accounts and put them on hold.
Even as new signs of hope began to arise, they seemed to only dim.
After attaching letters to each application explaining my need and the expenses I have each month, making copies of my income, and filling out too many papers, I sent them off, only to have them take weeks to be processed.
I was tired. I couldn’t stand waiting any longer.
I can remember each time a new bill, reminding me of the debt I owed, would show up in the mail. I would open it in mere anger, tears welling in my eyes, wishing they would leave me alone. That they would somehow disappear.
I called the numbers on my bills dozens of times asking about the status of my applications, if they received the documents they requested, if they had reached a decision or if something new was sent for me in the mail.
I felt like God didn’t want to do anything for me because nothing was happening. Things were moving incredibly slow.
Why could I see no hope?
It wasn’t until I arrived home from an annual youth conference on March 5th, that I was greeted by a letter from AMR.
Within it read:
“Your Compassionate Care application has been processed. This transport has been approved for a full waiver of all charges. The balance reflected on this invoice is no longer your responsibility.”
As I read this statement and began to understand what exactly it was saying, tears rushed down my face. The heaviest weight felt taken off of my shoulders and I was reminded of something that had just been inscribed on my heart that weekend:
Something that I had not been designed to carry — lifted.
With the joy that came with that bill being 100% waived, came hope. A faith began to arise in my spirit that I had let die.
I knew that if God was able to cover that bill, he could cover the remaining two, because nothing is too big for God.
I continued to wait, as my other financial assistance application was still being processed.
I waited. And waited. And waited.
So much that I forgot that I was even waiting for something.
I continued to be faithful in my tithes and offerings, never wavered in thanking God for his faithfulness (even if I didn’t see it yet for the next bills), and praised him for what I knew he was going to do.
Now let’s get back to yesterday.
It was a normal day, or rather, a better than average day. I had gotten back from being in the Hawthorne District browsing through books and records, and meeting my friend Liyv for lunch. Then an americano and macaron for her, tea and a chocolate hazelnut croissant for me at Saint Honore’s
I got home and was handed a letter, yet again, from the hospital.
Now, I was planning on faxing them more information next week that they had requested from me just 2 or 3 days ago. They had even extended my account 20 more days.
My grandma even joked it was probably another late notice.
Overdue. Pay us. Give us all your money. Or else.
As I carefully opened the envelope I wasn’t anticipating it to be the last.
Inside the letter read:
“Dear Ms. Makayla Wagner,
This letter is being sent to notify you that financial assistance has been approved at 100% for the account(s) listed in this letter. The account(s) will now be considered closed.”
I couldn’t believe my eyes.
Not because I had taken off my glasses, but because of what I was reading.
It must be because I wasn’t expecting anything. Like God wanted to surprise me.
That was it.
All the calls and forms. All the letters I wrote. All the waiting.
It was finished.
All my worries? Gone.
Today I am still in awe, and hope that tomorrow I am greater still, in God’s amazing faithfulness.
He cut me a $4,248.81 break. There is no other explanation.
When miraculous things happen it’s in our nature to start asking questions. We just want explanations.
One question is: Why do we have to be kept still in hopelessness?
Doesn’t God want to help us?
I too have asked myself these many times.
Of course God wants to help us.
But, I think sometimes it takes longer to realize we will always need the help of the father. And to admit it. I know that after so long, I become more than hopeless. I get frustrated. I get worried. But with all my loss of hope and all my frustrations and worries, I will in the end have more faith to trust in the Lord. To merely let go and forget it all.
And for me, my situation was probably tailored to last longer because that’s the only way I, Makayla, was going to get something deep down in my spirit.
I’ve learned that he loves us so much he doesn’t want us to remain the same. And I’m convinced I got to wait in a season of believing for financial provision so I would never again doubt God’s faithfulness to provide, not just financially, but in all things.
I’ve been taught a lot about patience and the favor that comes with waiting.
You see, I just wanted God to pay my bills, but he wanted to do more than pay my bills.
He wanted to watch me begin to have faith again and believe. He wanted to see if I would choose to put all my trust in him even if that meant waiting and seeing nothing transpire for months.
I didn’t realize there was more until yesterday, as I stood having all my debts paid.
I had a moment.
I said: “You know God, if you could do this, you can probably do pretty much anything.”
Not only do I hope this encourages you to keep trusting the Lord in whatever situation you may have, be it financially or not, I hope it challenges you to see beyond your situation and what you are actively believing for.
I gather God will provide. It’s in his nature.
If today I am your only proof, hold onto that.
But if for one second you were to just shift your focus on the things you ask for and just look to Jesus. Remember the things he’s done. And most importantly continue to be thankful. No matter if you see an outcome or not, he will always deserve your highest praise.
I don’t want for one second to doubt God and the things he is able to do the moment I choose to trust him. With all that is within me, I hope that I can continue to have as much faith as I do right now. Because when you have this much faith, nothing seems out of reach.
I know that my God will provide at all times.
Because he who promised is faithful.